Valentine's Day Event!

[wannabeurkohai]

Abruptly, the R1 picks up a SOS signal. A set of coordinates are attached to a brief message saying someone has been kidnapped and needs help! Booting up the space bridge and going through will lead everyone to a space station. A very... pink space station.

A mechanical sounding voice comes over the loudspeakers, "Greetings Cybertronian visitors! As your species is classified as near extinction, you are qualified to partake in our special love recovery program!" Everything suddenly goes black, before scenery starts rematerializing in the same way the holo simulation deck on the R1 does.

Everyone is paired up with another random person from the R1. The simulation pops up with whatever sort of cheesy date scenario it can. Handcuffed together! Trapped in a cold cabin with only one blanket to share! A theme park date! Whatever bad romantic troupe you can think of, it can be created by the simulator. You'll be freed once you have 'completed' a 'successful date' - though the simulation system doesn't seem to have an exact definition for what a successful date is.

Once freed, everyone will be free to wander around the space station. It was made by - ironically - a now extinct organic race who wanted to try and help struggling species repopulate. Unfortunately with no one around to maintain the station's computer system, it got a bit buggy. To say the least. Fortunately there doesn't seem to be anyone around save for the source of the distress call. It came from another Cybertronian Vehicon who got stuck on the space station. He's a red colored Decepticon named Sparkarrow. And unlike the workers at the Prime's Spa, Sparkarrow actually knows some of what's going on with the war in this world.

Comments

Magnus and Damus

[legalcy]

A date. The Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord did not fraternize with others in this manner, and though Minimus Ambus the less successful sparkbrother of Dominus Ambus certainly attended social gatherings, this sort of private affair was entire unfamiliar to him outside of second-hand accounts. Two mechs that were romantically interested in one another attended some sort of event to...discuss their interests over a meal? That sounds like something two friends would do, but there are a few details that separate the platonic from romantic.

The restaurant is high-end, and the complex metal flowers resembling Earth roses sitting in the vase on the middle of the small table are key indicators as to the intentions of this simulation. That does not matter. If Minimus is lucky, the program will have selected someone that he trusts, and the two can treat this as a rather unusual outing.

His partner has not shown up yet, but he supposes that the program understood that Ultra Magnus arrives early. This gives him time to smooth out the wrinkles on the tablecloth and formulate a list of crew members that would be most cooperative. Ratchet and Nickel would surely understand the banality of this situation and go along with the motions, never to speak of this again. Rodimus would find every opportunity to make this difficult for Magnus, but that would be preferable to partnering with Misfire. Megatron, though, would take advantage of the quiet environment to discuss the new R1 Code of Conduct. Certainly, partnering with him would lead to a positive outcome.

There's a smudge on the glass. Wait, there isn't. Just to be sure, Magnus wipes it with the edge of the folded napkin. Perhaps the simulation is glitched. He may be permitted to leave the restaurant and find another exit...but then this "date" would not have been terminated properly. He can't ignore the structure of the standard restaurant outing.

:')

[sparkwhisperer]

Damus is typically very punctual. However, the situation has left him feeling uncharacteristically apprehensive. Not knowing what kind of situation the simulator has chosen to put him in has Damus dragging his feet to enter the high end restaurant. He loiters outside the door, sneaking a drink of high grade from a small flask in his subspace to steal his nerves.

When he finally enters the restaurant, he glances around the dimly lit room, searching out any sign of his date. Damus hopes that if he's lucky, he can make a quick exit if it seams as if his chosen "date" will be a bad fit. His optics are quick to catch an impressive bulk settled at a table in the far corner. For a moment his spark leaps with hope, thinking that perhaps he's been paired with Megatron. But, a closer look at the mech neurotically wiping at a glass has Damus' spark quickly sinking. He accidentally catches Ultra Magnus' optics before he can slink away. He stands awkwardly for a few moments, before approaching the table with a sigh.

"Ultra Magnus." Great. He isn't sure that he'll be able to talk himself out of this one. "You are looking... well."

Urgh, this is going to be awful.

>:0

[legalcy]

Heavy footsteps alerted him to his possible "date". In the two seconds between the alert and discovering his chosen partner, the list had been whittled down to a few mechs. Who could it be? Deathsaurus (disappointing, but likely to play along with the simulation)? The angry Optimus Prime (a poor candidate for a quiet evening, who would never terminate the simulation properly or destroy the system)? Thunderclash (an excellent companion, barring the mutiny)? Megatron (he shouldn't be this excited at the prospect)?

The curiosity disappears completely when he sees the horrid shape of Tarn, head torturer of the DJD and the leader of the assault on Necroworld. No. No, they couldn't have forced him to remain in a room for a prolonged period of time and expect them to get along.

Ultra Magnus begins to step out of his chair but pauses. They can't start a fight in a crowded indoor area.

"So, you have arrived on time," he says spitefully. "Tarn."

[sparkwhisperer]

"Damus, if you please." He is quick to make the correction, mouth sinking into a deep frown. "Surely by now you know that I've stepped down from that assignment. My old code name no longer applies." He eases his bulk into the chair across from Magnus, smoothing the table cloth that has wrinkled.

"The sooner we get started, the sooner this can be over and we can both go on with our lives." He's trying to be reasonable about it, but he's already irritated. Of all the members of the crew...

Nickel & Flashpoint

[deceptamom]

Nickel wasn't too concerned with this forced date scenario. She considered herself an expert in a large variety of romantic tropes after all. She felt fairly confident that whatever was thrown at her and her prospective date she would be able to navigate it with ease and they'd be out of it in time to watch the failings of less skilled players.

That's what she thought.

Until she actually beheld the location of the date.

She liked cute things. She had a few posters of adorable cartoon cybercats and turbofoxes on the walls of her room. This cafe... this was something else entirely. There was not a single place she could look that her optics did not feel utterly assaulted. It was hideous. The saccharine made weaponized. This place could end wars if you locked the leaders of the opposing sides in and told them they couldn't come out until the settled things.

A waiter approached her. They were dressed in some vile pastel costume topped with a mask made to resemble the disgustingly full lips painted on the walls. In a panic, she slapped the menu out of their hands they tried thrusting at her.

This whole place just felt Wrong. She needed out.

She's done already. so done.

[shitflashpointsays]

The level of ridiculousness that applies to this entire situation is off the scale if you ask Flashpoint, and the flat, exasperated expression on her face speaks plenty on how she feels about it. She wants to have exactly zero thoughts on how this "love recovery" program was supposed to help endangered--and likely organic--species recover their population.

Details flood her mind anyway--because her overactive imagination is helpful like that!--and she groans aloud as she slumps forward, arms dangling. She's way too sober for this slag.

"I better get some actual fun out of this," Flashpoint begins tartly as she walks in the door, "or I'm giving this place zero stars, two thumbs down and a billion rotten toma--"

Her acidic threat dies as she's assaulted with a fluffy pastel vision of the saccharine dreams. She nearly gags it's so....cute. Cute and unsettlingly fake. The only place to rest her tortured optics is on the cool blue of--Nickel's plating! Wow, that's a relief. She could be paired with far worse; the universe much not totally hate her. Weird.

"Thank goodness, an island of sanity in this ocean of sacchrine death." Flashpoint says as she approaches Nickel's table, dry but sincere, then looks at the host. "What is this horror show and who the hell are you? Overlords's fanclub?"

Oh good. Someone to troll who actually deserves it.

[deceptamom]

Gross. Grooooooss. Everything here is just. Gross. Except Flashpoint. Hearing her voice, Nickel turned around and it was as if the heavens themselves sent her down. She was so afraid she'd be saddled with an idiot and stuck here for an eternity.

"Prion's shadow, I'm glad to see y-"

Nickel's relieved greeting was suddenly, and quite rudely, cut off by the hideous waiter.

"This is the Sweet Lips Cafe!" it said. It's voice was like a thousand helium huffing chipmunks chittering in unison, "It's the lovey dovey spot all the cutest couples are dying to go to! And you two won a contest to eat here! Don't you feel the lovey dovy aura just embracing you like a gigantic hug?"

Nickel, meanwhile, has climbed atop a chair and is pantomiming clubbing the abomination over the head. She looks pointedly at Flashpoint. Should she do it? She kind of wants to do it.

[shitflashpointsays]

Flashpoint might disagree, but only because she's gross in the good kind of way. Not like....this place. Which makes her plating crawl and fuel turn sour. And that voice! Flashpoint cringes; it's like claws on a whiteboard!

"The only good part about--GAH!--anything you just said, is the dying part!"

Nickel has the right idea though, and Flashpoint hands her a chair from one of the nearby tables, just to up the effectiveness.

"Why don't you try embracing that part, huh?" she gestures in front of the waiter in an attempt to keep it distracted.

Misfire & Soundwave

[debonairsharpshooter]

So dating. It wasn't generally a thing that worked out all that well or at all period for Misfire. He'd briefly experimented with online dating via The Love Connection (the ONLY exclusive Decepticon dating app) but didn't really luck out. He THEN had the brilliant idea to photoshop and pallet swap a picture of Thunderclash for his profile pic (because who didn't love that guy?). And theeeeen he got accused of catfishing.

So yeah. Not a great track record.

But hey! Here he was. On a date with no effort needed on his end. And okay. Okay. Maaaaybe he wouldn't have picked a ride on a Ferris Wheel as his date. For a flier? It's kind of a lame date. And Soundwave is kinda weird so maybe he wouldn't have been his first choice... Then again he was kind of hot and beggars can't be choosers.

"So... here we are. Just the two of us," he slid an arm around Soundwave's shoulders, "We gonna make out when we get to the top of this?"

[quietone]

Until recently, dating wasn't a thing that Soundwave had bothered with either. He wasn't a social person by nature, and his personality left much to be desired. His frame might have interested a select few, but overall he was strange looking, even by Cybertronian standards. So suddenly being forced on a date that he didn't have any time to prepare for, with someone he didn't know, was less than thrilling.

On top of that, a Ferris Wheel of all things? There was no thrill in it for someone who could fly, so all it provided was an enclosed place to be stuck in. With Misfire.

He immediately tensed when he felt an arm trying to slide around his shoulders, and Soundwave's fingers went to Misfire's face to push him back as far as the seat would allow it. "-no-"

[debonairsharpshooter]

"Aww... c'mon we're supposed to be doing that cutsey romance junk right now!" the jet pouts. Well pouts as best he can with Soundwave's hand smushed against his face. This probably isn't his best look.

"Just think a make out at the top is probably the quickest way to complete the date!" he grins, trying to scoot a little closer on the bench.

As they near the top a song begins to play over the park's loudspeakers.

"Listen! It's our song," it's not, "It's a sign from Primus!"

...It's also not that.

[quietone]

If he believed in Primus being anything other than the core of Cybertron, he would wonder what he had done to deserve this.

Soundwave's fingers stay firmly planted on the other Decepticon's face, keeping him from coming closer. He really didn't care what this place thought they were supposed to be doing. Whatever it was, he was not doing it with Misfire. This would be a hard sell, even with Bee. Their date hadn't even been 'cutesy romance junk' after all.

"-are you stupid--I don't--even--have a--mouth--literally--can't--make out-" He shoves at Misfire's face a bit harder.

Rung and Shockwave/Longarm Prime

[rungian]

Let's be honest, Rung came along on this "rescue mission" because he's rung a kidnapee may have mental and emotional trauma. However, he really didn't expect the program, and what it was throwing at them.

Now Rung found himself in one of the simulations, waiting for whoever his 'partner' would be for this. The set up was a cozy cabin interior, lots of wood all over. In the center of one wall was a roaring fire in a fireplace, crackling happily away. While outside the windows, snow could be seen falling. In front of the fireplace was a comfy looking rug with a blanket on top. Clearly meant for someone or someones to snuggle infront of the fire.

Rung's standing contemplating the set up, as he waits for his partner to arrive. Wondering who it'll be. Someone he knows, or one he doesn't?

[intelligenceofficer]

"Is this entire place made of organic material?" Longarm said with disgust from the other side of the room, giving the walls a weary look. The seemingly young autobot officer had joined in the rescue because that is what a good autobot officer would do, and until Shockwave had a better sense of the ship, and whatever this so called "truce" situation was, that was the part he was going to play.

The tall white and teal bot walked toward the windows, frowning at the banks of snow outside.

Forever late

[rungian]

"It would appear so, yes." Rung responded, before he turned to regard the other Autobot.. Hmm, so some one he doesn't know. This will be interesting. "Despite the....elation, the program does not seem to grasp how different we are to organics."

Which is disappointing, this could have been interesting. The lanky gold and white autobot lifted a hand to rub at his chin thoughtfully.

"I wonder what it expects us to do here."

riptide and getaway

[knaval]

[this is strange. the area around riptide is like... swerve's bar, but what he imagines is up to code? there's a lot of gold, one single table, lots of diamonds... it looks...

expensive?

riptide clomps in, looking around with a frown. this reminds him of pre-war cybertron, and so makes him intensely uncomfortable.]

Hello? Am I being punked?

[discountstarscream]

[Getaway pops into existence dazed and confused. When he manages to focus, he realizes he's standing in the fanciest restaurant he's ever been in, complete with a host with a robot French accent.]

Ah, you are here! Come this way please.

[He says, gesturing to Getaway and Riptide. Getaway freezes when he sees him.]

You? What's going on here?

[knaval]

HEY!

[riptide immediately grabs a chair and launches it at getaway. the robot waiter, in an astoundingly incredible act, grabs it midair and gently sets it back down. before either autobot can blink, another chair is in front of riptide. he picks it up, but the waiter shakes his head.]

Please, do not break the restaurant rules, monsieur.

[a yelp escapes him as something pops out from under the table and into his leg delivering a sharp electric shock.]

DB & OP

[soccerdrills]

None of this made any sense to Drill Boy. The logistics of some ancient alien race attempting to save a purely mechanical one from extinction via forced dating was more then a little baffling. Not to mention apparently ineffective because they seemed to be extinct themselves. How would they even determine a date successful enough to save an entire race? Did they expect babies for the end result? Because while nowhere near an expert in the biology of alien robots, Drill Boy is fairly certain that's not a thing that can actually happen.

Even if babies WAS exactly how things worked he's not even Cybertronian. The program couldn't even tell he wasn't a member of the race it was attempting to 'save'.

He should have been annoyed at this entire set up. And he would have been annoyed if not for one thing.

The simulation put him a zoo. He'd always wanted to go to one! But he was kind of prevented by the fact that he was a large robot and zoos were frequently crowded with small squishable people scurrying about. So he usually resigned himself to watching Animal Planet every once in a while.

But this zoo... it was something else! It was clearly designed for beings his size or much larger which was awesome. And the animals definitely weren't from Earth. Oh some of them vaguely resembled creatures from Earth. But they were all robotic in nature. Fauna from Cybertron maybe? Drill Boy didn't have a clue.

He didn't even care that he arrived before his date, whoever that was. It just meant he had more time to lean against the handrails and stare in awe at the mechanimals. The ones in the enclosure he was currently looking at vaguely elephant shaped. Long trunks, big ears, with glowing tusks. He really wished he had some paper to sketch them with.

Re: DB & OP

[fightforfreedom]

It's not the first time Optimus has found himself in a completely inexplicable situation. What's unique about this moment is that this was the first time Optimus had ever been at a zoo. It was one of those little things that he had always wondered about, his long-buried curiosity a quiet whisper at the back of his mind. So he spares a glance at the animals in their large enclosures, and then focuses on the smaller bot gawking at a small group of robotic elephants.

"Hello." He said in a tone that was perhaps more grave than was required, "I am Optimus Prime, and we must find a way out of here. I do not imagine that this place has anything good in store for us."

[soccerdrills]

"Oh come on. That sounds a little melodramatic for the-" Drill Boy's voice died upon turning around and looking up. And up some more. Like he's met some Cybertronians, and they all seem to be a good deal bigger then him but this guy here is a whole other level bigger.

"You're enormous," excellent observation DB, "How'd you get so big?"

He was probably built that way. Except maybe not. Alien robots are weird and Drill Boy doesn't completely understand how they work yet. Metal Wheaties maybe.

Kaon and Starscream

[eyesockets]

Kaon mostly registers the changing of scenery through the electrical currents running through the simulation. Once it appears his senses are lit up like a house fire, his visuals over bright for a moment before he adjusts. Once he has, it probably is the most bright and realistic scene he's ever seen; a bright cityscape, complete with towering buildings and street lights.

A love recovery program. What does this machine think they are? Organics?

It's real enough to Kaon though. The simulated sky rumbles with thunder before lightning lights it up. His coils tingle with a memory, but not with the same feeling of being out in an actual storm. He turns his head up towards the sky, right before real water starts to rain down on him like an actual rainstorm.

Well, he's impressed. The metal-plant hybrid puppy strapped to his chest seems to appreciate it too, whining and wriggling in its harness.

[vosseeker]

On top of having been unwittingly lured into this simulation, the fact that he's paired up with one of the DJD is enough to clench Starscream's spark tight, but he refuses to let it show.

"This is an abhorrent abuse of power!" he gripes. When the rain starts, he gets even more agitated. "Love recovery my aft. There's got to be another reason."

"And what is that?" he asks, meaning the wigging creature Kaon is carrying around.

[eyesockets]

Having been here a while, Kaon shares no such suspicion. He listens quietly to the complaining for a bit as rain pours down on them, spreading the snap of electricity on his shoulders down his upper armor. The question about his dog gets his attention though, and Kaon turns his head towards the spindly flyer.

"It's my pet." It's a simple answer. There's no need to go further into detail.

He then turns, reaching out to touch a lamp post to test the solidness of it. It feels surprisingly solid, though he can feel the underlying current running through the hologram. "I think we should find shelter."

Drift and Tara

[alwaysadrift]

Drift applauded the essence of the idea of this...'love recovery program'...but he rather deeply questioned the execution of said idea as he stood in what was clearly an Earth-like setting, with the sun shining through the trees and the birds chirping, and variety of other animal sounds occasionally rising from other areas of the park-like setting he'd been placed in.

"Maybe someone should school them on the concept of consent...?" he muttered softly to himself before double checking the bright slip of paper--yes paper--that acted as both clue and invitation in one.

Stand tall with a watchful eye, for your mate shall soon arrive.
Wait near the cats who are no mere rodent, with charm that is no less potent.

"Seriously? Is this a riddle?" Drift scoffed softly and looked left, and right, trying to orient himself, as a collection of meerkats collected in the enclosure behind him, watching his struggle curiously while perched atop their tiny hill.